If you’re my friend on goodreads, or you follow me on twitter, or you check on my blog, you probably know that as of the moment, I’m reading It’s Kind Of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini. I’m not exactly anywhere near finishing the novel yet, but the novel is about a teenager named Craig who battles with depression and sees therapists and takes medication to try to get himself be back to “normal”. (That’s obviously not everything about it, but from where I am reading so far, that’s basically what he stands for.) Anyway, Craig has a mental list of things which he calls Tentacles and Anchors. The Tentacles are the factors that keep him from getting better, those that drag him down. On the other hand, the Anchors, are those that keep his feet on the ground, the ones that make him feel good.
I’m being devoured by bullshit at the moment I wrote this that whilst doing some house chore, I was thinking about some very, very negative things that I almost broke my mother’s glass plate and along that, I thought about writing a list of my own Anchors. This isn’t really anything like a bucket list whatsoever. (I don’t believe in bucket lists. Bucket lists are too ambitious.) This one’s more like a list of positive thoughts and things that might happen (or maybe they’re never gonna happen, but they keep me from falling down) if I decided not to end my life committing a sin.
So yes, here is a list of Maia’s Anchors.
- I’m still gonna meet The Cab
- I’m still gonna meet All Time Low
- I’ll finally own a bookshelf
- I’ll be internet-famous because of my blog
- I will make a vlog
- I will own a dog
- I will get to build a bakery for my mother
- I’ll get to see my dad see one of his favorite bands live
- I will receive novels from publishers (aka ARC. Selfish. But yes, the thought of its possiblity make me happy.)
- Or maybe I will become a published author
- I will make friends in the blogging community
- I will find somebody I might want to spend my forever with
- I will educate the next generation of this family to be readers
- I will go to New York
- I will meet one of my favorite authors
- I might pass my dream university and get to finish CW
- I might be an English major (aaaaahhh!!!)
- I will write more words that will make more sense
- I will get to spend weekends with my best friends
- I will get to see my brother marry somebody
- I will get to see my sister marry somebody
- I will get to see my cousins and old friends be happy with their lives
- I will get to see my first niece be a teenager
- I will be a hip aunt
- I might want to continue to blog even when I’m wrinkled and in need of a lot of calcium
- I will get taller
- I will meet an internet friend
- I will finally find happiness and congratulate myself for making it so far
So far, I think you can tell, I am so emotionally and mentally invested in the novel. I’m nowhere halfway it, but I’m already starting to learn so much and lately, I’ve been having a lot of negative thoughts in my mind and fortunately [thank God] some people from instagram recommended this novel for me to read because they say it’s “relateable”. And thus far, I agree so much.
This is obviously the most personal post I could ever have written on this blog. I’m going through a lot of mentally destroying thoughts right now and the things above–no matter how impossible–are those that make me want to continue on living and they get me through a lot everyday. I don’t know. I’m an optimist. I think very positively of life, but sometimes, I feel like the best thing to do is to break down and just stop existing for a moment but then life isn’t about that. Life is a wheel. No matter how positive you are about everything, a time will come when you’d feel like the world is crashing down on you, but you must always keep in mind that it gets better. That life is a cycle of ups and downs, elation and bullshit, happiness and sadness and that what matters is how you live in the former and get through the latter.
What about you? What are your Anchors?