there’s a very blunt and incoherent string of words under the cut. you’ve been warned.
sometime a couple of weeks ago, i found out that people see me the way i want them to. it made me feel so much better about the people i am surrounded by six days a week.
before someone told me, i thought they’d seen me as the big elephant in the room that i am. i thought they’d seen me as the most awkward human being to have graced the earth with literally 0% socializing skills, and no direction in life. i thought they’d seen me as the most passive block mate: the one who gives no fuck about her grades. i thought they’d seen me as the best person to pick on behind my back — all this time, i’ve led myself to believe that they insult me whenever they want and can.
thing is, i’ve driven myself crazy by allowing myself to think negatively about what people think about me. i’ve gotten even more paranoid than i did in high school, and it made me fidgety and doubtful of all the things i do.
truth was, they saw me as someone who always always thought about things. they saw me as someone really silent, but not someone to underestimate.
one more truth is this: obviously, not everyone sees me as some of they do. some of them probably despise my entire being and see me as the big little pawn of satan, but you know what? it doesn’t matter.
how many times have i told myself that it doesn’t matter? why do i always find myself not believing this?
ps. not entirely sure why i felt the need to use a thg screencap for the header photo, but i did so…
pps. there are going to be even more frank college posts in the making so get yourself some popcorn, and prepare for the alienation fest on my blog. you’re welcome.